Somewhere Only We Know Read online

  Somewhere Only We Know

  By

  Beverley Hollowed

  Somewhere Only We Know

  Beverley Hollowed

  Copyright © 2014 Beverley Hollowed

  First published 2014

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  For permission requests, write to the author, addressed “Request: Copyright Approval” [email protected]

  URL: https://www.facebook.com/Beverelyhollowed2012Author

  Edited and published by: Titan InKorp…… http://titaninkorp.com/

  Dedicated to My Mam

  Who got her angel wings earlier this year, after she lost her short but very brave battle with Cancer.

  Miss you more every day Mam.

  Love you all the way around the world and back xx

  I would like to start as always by thanking my best friend, my person, my partner in crime and the love of my life, Brian. Thank you for all your help, patience, your support and your unconditional love. You are my rock and my happy place… I love you infinity xx

  Thank you to my two beautiful boys Aaron and Anthony. I hope I make you both as proud of me as I am of both of you. Aaron thank you for reading it all except the naughty bits xx

  To my five little shining stars, keep shining brightly and light up my dark skies, love you always. xx

  To Dad and Uncle Tony love you so much, xx

  To everyone who has help me on this difficult journey that was this book. Beverly, Sally, Tabatha, Laura, Nicola and all the lovely Orchard Ladies, thank you for always supporting me, you have been with me from the very beginning, your support means the world to me. Extra special thanks to Sarah Payne, you are my Angel xx

  To my Publishers Titan InKorp and especially our fearless leader and my good friend Chris Austin. As always, thank you for continuing to make my journey a happy, easy and enjoyable one. Thank you for all your hard work. Xx

  Finally, a big thank you, to you the readers, for your loyal support and your kind words of encouragement. This journey would mean nothing without you all….. Love always …..Bev xx

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 1

  The late afternoon sun felt warm and welcoming on her face. The air was filled with the smell of wild, summer flowers and the happy laughter of her beautiful little girl, Emily. Kate heard Emily calling her, then giggle again.

  She was standing in the middle of a field of tall grass. It seemed ablaze with the dazzling colours from all the beautiful wild flowers dotted around everywhere, as they swayed gently in the light breeze. The summer sun was so bright, it was making it hard for her to see. She held her face up to the sun, soaking in the welcoming warmth.

  “Mommy,” she heard Emily’s voice calling out and giggle once more. She spun around, but couldn’t see her anywhere. She called out Emily’s name, but she got no reply. It was now quiet, too quiet. Kate called Emily again, but still she didn’t get an answer.

  Dark clouds suddenly rolled over head and it began to rain hard. Panic quickly filled her, almost choking her. Breathlessly, she called Emily again, but there was just silence.

  Suddenly she was beside the lake. The rain was beating down harder and Kate could feel herself slipping. There was a loud bang, as the edge of the bank gave way and she fell into the water. She splashed and splashed, as her arms flayed, fighting hard to keep her head above the surface.

  “Mommy,” she heard again. But this time it’s different. There was a mixture of sadness and fear in Emily’s voice. Kate couldn’t breathe anymore. She began to feel tired, too tired to fight and slowly began to sink beneath the waves. She was drifting deeper and deeper…

  “EMILY!” Kate screamed, bolting up in the bed. She was soaked in sweat and salty tears. The room was no longer in darkness, as the first traces of dawn breaking began to fill her bedroom. The hiss of the TV brought her back to where she was. She blinked sleepily at the clock beside her bed and saw it was 4:50 am. Kate reached for the remote control and switched off the TV. She then looked over at Callum’s side of the bed and sighed. Once again it was empty.

  Pushing back the covers, she slid her feet on to the cold, wooden floors and it made her shiver. Reaching for her dressing gown from the chair next to the bed, she pulled it around herself and slowly rose from her bed.

  As she walked down the hallway, the low hum and flicker of the TV in the living room answered her question as to where Callum was. When Kate reached the living room, she found Callum passed out on the sofa, the now familiar sight of the whiskey bottle and empty glass, sitting on the coffee table was there as well.

  Kate sighed sadly once again, as she slowly walked over to her sleeping husband. She stood for a moment, watching him sleep. His face looked so sad and lost, the lines of worry evident across his once carefree, handsome face. Her heart tightened and her breath caught in her chest, as the familiar stab of pain and grief washed over her. She wanted to reach out and hold him, to make him feel better. And to make her feel...anything... but she couldn’t.

  Kate pushed the tears that were prickling her eyes back down deep inside her and took a deep, calming breath.

  “Callum,” Kate whispered, as she shook him softly. He moved slowly, but just turned over. “Callum,” she repeated this time a little more forcefully.

  His eye snapped open and he looked up at her, as a momentary look of confusion quickly faded from his face.

  “What time is it?” he asked, as he rubbed his tired eyes.

  “It’s almost five,” she replied, stepping back from him, putting a little distance between them.

  “Shit,” he groaned, as he reaches for the remote control and switched the TV off before he stood up from the sofa. He stared at Kate for a moment before they both turned in unison and headed towards their room.

  They walked back down to the bedroom side by side, in complete silence. Kate removed her dressing gown and slid back into bed as Callum disappeared into the en-suite in their room.

  A few minutes later, he walked out of the bathroom. He was wearing just pyjama bottoms. His strong, broad chest was bare. Kate watched him through half closed eyes, as he hung his trousers over the back of the chair and placed his shirt into the laundry basket. He then made his way around the bed and slipped under the covers next to Kate.

  Kate immediately turned and put her back to Callum. He softly sighed and laid still for a few moments. Kate could sense his uncertainty and she felt guilty. Finally he rolled over onto his side so his front was to her back. Tenderly he slid his h
and onto her hip, then slowly moved it up along her side, his fingertips gently caressing the side of her breast. Kate’s heart began to hammer hard in her chest.

  He moved closer to Kate, buried his face into her hair and took a deep breath. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her neck and it made her long for him, but she quickly shut her feelings down.

  “I love you Katie,” he whispers, then softly kissed her neck.

  Kate wanted to reply, she wanted to return his tender touch, but she just couldn’t. Instead, she lay there, almost frozen to the spot, her heart racing fast in her chest. Once again, tears filled her eyes and this time she couldn’t force them back down. She closed her eyes, as the tears trickled down her face.

  Callum held her for a few more minutes waiting, hoping she would return something, anything to tell him they were okay. And she wanted to. Kate wanted to have him touch her and kiss her so badly, it hurt. She wanted them to have what they once had, because what they once had was good, no it was great. He knew every part of her body and she knew every part of his.

  But she just couldn’t. Kate couldn’t return his love the way she once did. She couldn’t be that same person she was back then, because that person no longer existed. Kate wanted to tell him why. She wanted to tell him that she didn’t deserve his love. She didn’t deserve anyone’s love, because she ruined their lives and she let him down.

  Finally, he just sighed deeply and slowly pulled back his hand. He didn’t say another word. He just silently turned over. And once again the big black nothing was there between them.

  ***************

  When Kate woke up, the early summer sun had already filled her bedroom. She turned over to Callum, but he had gone. She was not that surprised and if she was honest, she was a little relieved. She knew she had hurt him in the early hours of the morning and she didn’t feel ready for a confrontation.

  Lately that was all their life had become, an endless series of long awkward silences, punctuated by one row or another. Kate knew she was pushing him away, but she didn’t know how to fix it.

  She climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom. Opening the shower door, she reached in and turned the water on full. Kate removed her t-shirt and pyjama bottoms and dropped them to the floor. She stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her once taut, curvy body was now just skin and bones. Her skin was pale and eyes were hollow and dead. Kate barely recognized herself anymore.

  She pulled the hair tie from her long auburn hair and her hair fell down her back. It needed to be cut, badly. It was so dry and damaged. She just couldn’t seem to find the interest in herself anymore.

  With a deep sigh, she turned away from her reflection and stepped into the shower. The water was hot, almost too hot, but it felt good on her skin. She poured some shampoo on to her hand and begin to massage it into her hair. The smell reminded Kate of her dream. It was the same dream she had been having for the last ten months.

  In the beginning, she would have the same dream every time she closed her eyes. It had left her afraid to sleep for such a long time. She would fight sleep until the exhaustion took over her, and she could fight it no more. However, as time passed, Kate found she was having the dream less and less. This time it’s been almost three weeks since the last one.

  She wasn’t sure how long she stood beneath the shower, lost in her thoughts, but finally she reached for the taps and switched off the water. When she stepped from the shower, she quickly dried herself off before she walked back out into her bedroom to dry her hair.

  After she had finished drying her hair, Kate opened her wardrobe doors and stared blankly at her clothes hanging there. She selected soft grey trousers and a black satin blouse. Like all her clothes, they were now too big for her but she chose not to notice.

  When she had made her way down to the kitchen, Kate pressed the button down on the coffee machine, then opened the cupboard over head for a mug.

  “SHIT!” She cried out load with frustration, when she saw there were no mugs in the cupboard. She was still opening the wrong damn door even though they had now been living in the new apartment for four months. Kate still couldn’t remember where everything was and it was bugging the hell out of her. She opened the cupboard next to it and found the mugs.

  She took her coffee and walked to the full length window in the living room that was overlooking the city. Kate stared out at all the tiny people and cars below, going about their lives, looking like they hadn’t a care in the world. She envied them, in their seemingly carefree lives.

  Kate had always dreamed of living in a penthouse apartment in New York ever since she had visited New York with her mom. She was just fourteen when she and her mom spent five days on a shopping spree in New York. It had been the first time she had been anywhere with just her mother.

  Her father had to stay behind in Dublin with her five year old twin brothers, Shea and Dara. Kate fell in love with the city as she drove through its busy streets, in the back of a big yellow cab. She had always insisted that she would move there to live when she grew up.

  That had been the plan anyway. But when she met Callum on a night out in Dublin, with the girls, her life took a very different direction.

  Chapter 2

  Kate and her friends were out celebrating the results of their final exams. Kate was now a qualified doctor. She had just found out she had gotten a place in one of Dublin’s busiest children’s hospitals. Life was perfect.

  Kate had been queuing at the bar, feeling a little worse for wear, trying to make herself be heard over the blare of the music and the noise of the crowd chatting loudly on a Friday night. The flashing lights were making her feel a little woozy. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep, steadying breath. When she opened her eyes, she finally got the barman’s attention.

  “Can I have four bottles of...” she began to shout but stopped as the guy who had suddenly appeared at her side from nowhere, began to shout his order too. She turned and glared at him. He stopped mid-sentence and gave her what he clearly thought was his most charming smile.

  “Have you never heard of waiting your turn?” she snapped, feeling overly brave because of alcohol. To Kate’s annoyance, the guy’s smile just widened.

  “I’m sorry,” he replied, as a look of pure amusement danced in his ice blue eyes as he tried to stifle a laugh.

  “Oh, I am sorry, do I amuse you?” Kate asked sarcastically, totally pissed that he was now laughing at her.

  “Actually,” he nodded and gave her another big grin. “Yes, you do.”

  Kate was speechless. She was so not expecting that answer. And for the first time she noticed this guy had a drop dead gorgeous smile along with the most perfect eyes that danced with his amusement. He had the cutest dimples too that just added to his charm. This guy was really hot and for the briefest moment, Kate wondered what it would be like to kiss his perfect, luscious lips.

  She could feel her face flush, as she realised she was staring at him and hadn’t actually said anything, in what seemed like forever.

  “Em ...well...yes,” she spluttered, as she dragged her eyes from his perfect mouth and back to his eyes. “Well I don’t find you amusing in the least bit. Furthermore, you are no gentleman trying to skip the queue.”

  Ha, that told you Asshat! She thought to herself.

  “Look I am sorry, I didn’t mean to skip you,” he replied still grinning at her before he gave a small chuckle. “But you were just standing here staring into space. I thought maybe you were waiting for me to offer to buy you a drink perhaps.”

  “EXCUSE ME!” she exclaimed at him, totally shocked. “I was doing no such thing.” This time he didn’t even try to hide his amusement, as he laughed out loud. His eyes held hers and she could feel her cheeks flush again, as her stomach knotted.

  Bastard! She thought. He is making fun of me.

  “Look, I’m sorry,” he replied his eye softening, but still he didn’t break them from hers. “I was joking, badly it wou
ld seem. Maybe I could buy you a drink, kind of like my way of saying sorry.”

  “There is no need,” she replied quickly. She felt a little embarrassed so she turned towards the bar and refused to look at him any longer. “I am with friends, and it’s my round so...”

  “Please,” he pushed. “It’s the least I can do.” He was still staring at her. Kate quickly glanced at him sideways. She knew she really should have said no, but she didn’t. What harm could it do? She thought to herself.

  “Thank you, that is very kind of you,” she said with a shy smile, her alcohol bravery suddenly gone.

  “I’m Callum, by the way” he said after they ordered their drinks, offering his hand.

  “Kate,” she replied with a smile and shook his hand.

  “Kate,” he repeated and smiled again. And that was that.

  It turned out Callum Greyson was from New York, but he had been in Ireland for about six weeks. He was an Architect. He had travelled to Ireland to work on one of the many new high rise builds down by the docklands, which was getting a huge face lift at the time. Callum was only supposed to be in Ireland for three more weeks.

  After that night, they spent every spare minute they could, together. Kate had a few weeks off before she started at the hospital and she showed Callum all there was to see in Dublin.

  She was having a great time with Callum, but in the back of her mind, Kate knew it was never going to last and she was okay with that. He would go home and she would get on with her life.

  Okay that was, until the night before he was due to go home. Callum had taken Kate out for a goodbye dinner. As they ate dinner, they sat and talked about everything, except the one thing that was on both their minds. Kate tried to seem happy and carefree, but her heart ached. She realised sitting across from him, she had fallen completely and utterly in love with him.

  Kate felt so angry with herself. She had told herself time and time again that for Callum, this was just a fling and she would be fine with that. Still, despite her knowing this, she had fallen in love with him. Now he was going to leave and she wanted to beg him to stay, but she couldn’t. Kate wanted him to tell her that he felt the same and that he would never be able to live without her.